I know...pretty obscure topic for a blog post but when I get into it you will hopefully understand.
A few of you know my plight as of late and how I could almost chug down a gallon of disinfectant rather than put up with the shit that I have to deal with on a daily basis. Your life sucks? Please come see the hell I am in. After about 30 minutes you will hug your wife, call your parents, and have no more temptations to kick the cat into the floor fan.
Why I am writing this post is because of a term that popped into my head that I had heard before, thought I really knew what it was, was dumb enough to believe it was true, and now consider the disinfectant or Mr. Bubble along with the toaster might make for the nice bathtub trip.
The term is: Unconditional Love
Have you heard of this shit? Have you been brain dead enough to believe in this shit? Well then maybe I can help you out with this one.
IT DOESN'T FUCKING EXIST!!!!
Okay maybe that was too harsh. It doesn't exist for HER!!! You on the other hand will have to love her even if she saws off your balls with a swiss army knife.
That shit scares me. New note to all. Cut off my dick and yes I am going to bleed to death but not before I catch you and bash your brains in with that Scooby Doo chia fucker you bought. Yes darling..."unconditional love" means we spend the afterlife together...apparently me dickless and you with hair that needs to be watered.
Sorry, I guess that was a little morbid. But that is "unconditional love". No matter what happens you HAVE to love her.
"Ohhh babe...so the wreck made the car catch on fire and it burnt up your crotch? Damn...so no more sex huh? Well we could still do the back d...oh hell that got burnt too. Damn babe. Oh and your lips are gone now so I guess that you can't do....yeah I understand. And your hands don't work anymore so I am gonna have to....oh NO babe I don't want anyone else!"
Needless to say the guy will stay. Now different scenario...
"Oh honey you got laid off? Well thats ok...except for who the fuck is going to pay for my hair appointment this week? And what about my nails? Look you broke motherfucker you need to just get to walking so I can have a man who actually loves me!"
There is no "unconditional love" folks. Trust me...there are "conditions".
Once again a look into the mind of YOUR friendly neighborhood comic.