It was just there. I mean it had been there all along, but it was suddenly just there. Lying here, holding her as she slept, the bedroom door was open. I could see the light from the hallway, inviting. I couldn't get up. I am supposed to lay here and hold her. But the door said otherwise.
It said I could leave the room.
I don't want to leave the room, I thought, holding my wife tighter as she slept through whatever crap movie she had picked for us to watch.
My place is here...holding...making her feel safe. Wait!
Open doors are NOT safe! Open doors are inviting to others! They let people in!!
But they also let people out, said the door.
True, I guess, but it's not morning, it's not time for me to go out.
The time is whenever you want it to be, the door seemed to say.
Well yeah...I mean I can go out to the bathroom if I need to. Or down to the kitchen if I need to...but I really don't "need" to go anywhere.
But I am open, the door responded.
Yeah...that you are. Doors are funny like that. Sometime open, sometimes closed. Always a purpose though for the reasoning behind it. Open...closed. Sometimes slightly cracked. I never liked that. It invites only small amounts of air, and also maybe someone peeping through!
Nope...open or closed by God. Save that halfass shit for someone else.
The light in the hall still mesmerized me. It felt needing of my presence. Like my shadow could somehow satisfy the fact that the bedroom door was open. But I can't get up and use that door now. It's 2:30am. Nobody should be wandering around looking at their shadow at that time of the morning. I just need to go to sleep.
Hey! Guess what! It's 6:30 and I am still open!
Well that cancels out morning sex for me you bastard! Had to be open didn't you! Let anyone in won't you?
But you are in there and I have...well this out here, the door said back.
Have what? Me getting up? Getting ready for work? You have my life waiting for me out there don't you? Well maybe I am gonna stay right here! I don't care what you have!
I got out of bed and put my socks on...looking at the molding around the door, wondering why it felt all so mighty and important. But then I walked out of it.
Something was different. I looked back into the bedroom and saw my wife lying there, not even caring or noticing that I was up. But I was gone! I was away!
I was out the door! It made sense now! It really was better out here. I looked at the bathroom door, which was partially closed. I hate that. Not sure if the stepdaughter is in there doing God knows what.
I closed it the rest of the way. Open or shut...no halfass shit going on around here.
I turned and walkded down the stairs. Stairs suck...no damn door to close them in. The lead you up or they lead you down...but you can't block that path, or open it. It is what it is. Having doors would make them safer. Never quite sure what might be coming up those stairs, even when you can see down them. Nope, never liked stairs.
Getting to the bottom led me to the front door. Closed and locked. Wait...not locked. Seems someone was out for the night and came back in and forgot to lock it. Hold on, did I forget to lock that? No....No...I turned that damn deadbolt before heading up those stairs. I can't even stand to look up them! Feels so much better coming down....going up, well leads to more closed doors.
Maybe I should go back up the stairs and check to see if the stepdaughters door is shut too? Didn't even think to check that as I walked past...damn stairs took my mind away from my responsibilities! Closed doors are good doors. They keep people out and the smell in. Yep. Her door is closed...has to be.
No doors in the living room and no damn doors in the kitchen! Who designed this place? Maybe i don't want to hear food cooking while I am watching the TV! Maybe I would like to shut that area off! I could do that. Little trip to the Home DePoop and some training and I can 2x4 this bastard off!
But what will the wife think? Will have to ask her. She hasn't woken up for a week but I think she is just afraid of the bedroom door being open now. I am sure she will learn to like it. Having that door open is good I told her. Outside doors closed are good too.
Soon they will both accept it.
Hey didn't I get a coupon from Lowe's? Maybe they are having a sale...
(Disclaimer: In no way shape or form is anyone hurt or will be...just had this weird thought of how Herman Melville's "Bartleby the Scribner" had such a problem with walls and yet doors always open to new things...like I said...just weird thoughts and watching a Stephen King movie makes you think of nutty stuff )