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Saturday, June 26, 2010

Bible Study Part 2

Hopefully my first little experiment in this did not offend anyone. I mean as a kid I grew up listening to Bill Cosby and his jokes from the bible. Trust me folks there really is alot of funny stuff in there if you look at it from just a different perspective.

Ok last time we dealt with Adam and Eve, and of course I am assuming the mention of some other woman. They ate the apple because the serpent told Eve to and then got kicked out the pool. They had two kids, Cain and Abel.

Now in chapter 4 we find out that Abel was a keeper of sheep, and Cain tilled the ground. Some time passed and they both brought an offering to the Lord...Abel brought a sheep and Cain brought some fruit. The Lord didn't want fruit, but was happy with the sheep and then went to find some mint jelly to go with the lamb chops. This little action right here folks should go ahead and debunk the damn vegetarians. We were meant to eat meat...and lamb, if done right, is quite tasty!

So because the Lord didn't want Cain's veggies he got pissed and then rose up killed Abel...damn sibling rivalry. So now Cain basically gets the boot and he heads out to the "Land of Nod" and finds him a wife. Now I reread that whole part about 10 times and I could not find where the bible mentions where in the hell she came from...so I am guessing a mail order bride from Portugal or he located a Sears catalog and they were still listing those along with the wheel, fire, and the oh so popular fig leave bustierre.

After that we get into alot of begating and of course incest and Adam must a had a never ending account at the GNC for his vitamins because he lived to be 930 years old. I am 38 and my body already hurts all the damn time and I walk into rooms and have no clue why I am there...what do you think 930 would feel like? Plus when in the hell did Social Security kick in?? 876? Sheesh.

Ok...then the Lord checks in with the people and apparently they were screwing up and were wicked...not to be confused with our slang definition of wicked that the kids in Britain seem to find so hip. Once again folks I read through all of that part and I can't find any rules or guidelines or hell even a nice suggestion for what these people were supposed to be doing...were they shitting on the lawn? Peeing in other people's water bottles? What were they doing??

I have no clue but it must have been bad so the Lord gets hold of Noah...which is quite the fun story and where we pick up next time...most likely after I take a break to cover some other topics.

Once again a look into the mind of YOUR friendly neighborhood comic.


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