Bible Study Part 1

Ok folks before you get mad at me please remember...I have been doing stand up comedy for years. In no way, shape or form am I trying to offend you or make you convert to anything. I grew up a Mormon and got my Eagle Scout through the church.

I watched another AMAZING new apocolyptic movie the other night. The first one is "The Road"...please note on this one that it is beyond emotionally draining. 20 min in I felt the need for shower.

The 2nd, "The Book Of Eli"...this was a little more kickass...BUT it got me thinking about the Bible.

Now we all know it really is the greatest story ever told...of course I scream for Moby Dick but no one agrees.

So just for shits and giggles I wanna play "devil's advocate" ( no pun intended ) and have a little comic fun.

In the first two chapters we have something that has messed my head up.

First

Genesis 1:26-28 (King James Version)

26And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

27So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

OK!! Our? Us? Who is he talking to? I know...the Angels and all. I will concede that one even though I was kinda taught he did this shit all by himself back in the day.

But wait a minute folks "male and female"???? Huh?? Nope. First there was Adam and that was IT!!! And then in Chapter 2 verse 18 God realized it would kinda suck for Adam to be all by his self. Ya'll know the rest...Adam goes to sleep, he takes his rib and then BOOYAH!!! We get Eve...and then the woman does what they all do, she bites the apple and makes him eat it and he loses his oh so wonderful happy home.

Nowadays it is called divorce...you walk out with a pair of socks going "What the fuck just happened to all the shit I bought?"

But go back folks...if I am reading right there seems to be another "female" in the damn garden!!

Of course some people say this is Lilith and I asked Shelly about it and apparently I am an idiot or something and should have learned some crap from the damn "Davinci Code".

Folks I wasn't around for the Council of Nicea...I have no clue what in the hell these people are talking about! Adam got made, took a nap, woke with a hot woman, she got horny due to the snake...the one in the grass or the one Adam had...they freaked out and threw some damn leaves on and then God kicked em out the pool. Then of course the incest happened and the origianl sibling rivalry ( which lets you know...don't have more than one kid!! ) but I will deal with that or something else at another time.

Once again look into the mind of YOUR friendly Neighborhood comic!

Dave